Setting Boundaries Without the Guilt

By: Rashanda Belin, MSW Intern Therapist

Created: March 1, 2025

Published: March 13, 2025

Many of us value the relationships and connections we have in our lives and demonstrate that value through the time, energy, and resources we invest in them. Whether it involves giving advice, helping someone out of a jam, or simply being available for a conversation, our love for those in our lives drives us to support them. However, there are times when we’ve given all we can, yet there is still a request for us to continue giving. During these situations, we are faced with a decision: do we set a boundary and prioritize ourselves, or do we sacrifice our feelings and needs for the sake of the other person? What decision do you typically make?

The Struggle of Setting Boundaries 

For some of us, not setting boundaries often stems from the guilt of saying no. We can, at times, feel as if we are selfish or wrong for prioritizing how we feel. This becomes increasingly difficult when the person/people wanting more from us are close friends or family members. For others, we may struggle with a need to be needed.  Sometimes, we feel validated when we are consistently needed in someone’s life. This leads us to say yes, as we feel affirmed when we sacrifice for others, not realizing that we are ultimately doing this at the expense of our own needs, which can lead to burnout and frustration.

Importance of Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries creates the space we need to restore and recharge. Boundaries allow us to invest in one of our most important relationships: our relationship with ourselves. Sometimes, the most significant form of self-care is exercising the power of saying no. The simplicity of these two letters can significantly impact our mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Simple Techniques to Begin Setting Boundaries

1. Just Say No: No is a complete sentence. It does not require additional reasoning, rationale, or explanation. 

2. Start Small: Build up your muscle in this area by starting with small accomplishments. For example, the next time someone calls, and you don’t feel like talking, don’t pick up.

3. Know Your Limits: Before saying yes and making a commitment, take time to assess what you can realistically do. This will prevent you from overextending yourself.

4. Be Clear in Your Responses: When setting a boundary, it’s important to eliminate any ambiguity. Let your yes be a yes and your no be a no; remove any language that leaves room for misinterpretation.

5. Expect Pushback: When we have trained people to always expect a yes, they may face challenges accepting the new standards we set. Know that there may be resistance as you make changes, and be prepared to stand firm on your newly established boundaries. 

6. Let Go of the Guilt: Putting yourself first does not make you selfish. Refusing requests does not make you wrong. Another person’s disappointment does not mean you need to apologize.

Setting boundaries is an act of self-love and empowerment. The more you practice, the more confident you’ll become in honoring your needs without guilt. 

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References:

Mayo Clinic Health System. (2023). Setting boundaries for well-being. Mayo Clinic Health System. https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/setting-boundaries-for-well-being

NC State University. (2024). Wellness Wednesday: Why boundary setting is important and how to do it. NC State University. https://news.dasa.ncsu.edu/wellness-wednesday-why-boundary-setting-is-important-and-how-to-do-it/

PositivePsychology.com. (2018). Great self-care: Setting healthy boundaries. Positive Psychology. https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

Psych Central. (2023). The importance of personal boundaries. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/relationships/the-importance-of-personal-boundaries